5 signs only an insider would understand

August 28, 2013

Imagine you’re not a modern American who has grown up with signs streaming through your peripheral vision. You’ll realize that, in fact, many signs actually make no sense to outsiders. Not only can it be confusing as a newcomer to the United States, but you’ll even spot Americans wrinkling their foreheads at cryptic signs as they move from state to state. We at MyParkingSign have found several signs that make sense to us, but might not to others.

1. “Curb your dog.” Do what now?

Am I supposed to turn my pet into a curb? Because I’d rather not.

Excuse me, what? I know what a curb is, and I know what a dog is, and I as far as I know, those words do not belong together. What do you want me to do? Make my dog sit on the curb? I mean, if it said “curb your dog’s enthusiasm,” or “curb your dog’s behavior,” I’d get it. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME AMERICA!?

What “Curb your dog” means: You’ll usually spot this sign in city neighborhoods. Urbanites have such little greenery that they want to protect their front stoop plants from your dog’s instinct to mark the nice flowers as it’s territory. “Curb your dog” means: make sure your dog answers nature’s call as far away from nature as possible: on the road’s curb, not the vegetation or the building someone has to live in.

2. “No Standing Anytime.” What, is it going to be ‘no free speech’ next?

It’s like all my rights are being stripped away one by one. View this sign here.

So…I’m not supposed to stand here? I thought this was a free country, you know, with streets paved with gold and opportunity and democracy and all that. OK, I didn’t have the highest hopes, but do I get a fine if I just stand here? That’s it. I can’t take this country anymore.

What “No Standing” means: It’s vehicles that aren’t allowed to “stand,” not people. Areas with “No Standing” signs can only be used to quickly load and unload passengers; vehicles can’t linger or unload merchandise.

3. “Park and Ride.” Sounds like pretty standard behavior?

Yes. Two words that could be nouns or verbs. Very cool America. View this sign here.

Is it an amusement park? Stables? I park and I ride what? It’s like the government doesn’t want it’s citizens to know things…too soon?

What “Park and Ride” means: Some cities have extremely hectic traffic; it’s understandable that commuters would want to enter congested areas on public transit rather than in their own cars. Park and Ride signs indicate an area where people can leave their personal vehicles and hop on a bus, train, or subway to take them deeper into their respective concrete jungles.

4. “Post No Bills.” Telling me not to do the obvious, are we?

I’d rather not paste $100 bills on the wall, but I don’t need you telling me that.

I have several problems with this, Uncle Sam. First, what bills. Dollar bills? Because I have no intention whatsoever of posting my money anywhere, at all. Secondly, are you talking about my electrical and utilities? Because that’s a little personal!

What “Post No Bills” means: It’s not surprising that you’d be confused by this antique phrasing. “Bills” is an old-timey way of saying advertising materials. So, if you pass this sign, simply refrain from posting any promotional posters and fliers.

5. “No Idling Allowed.” I can’t do anything in this country.

What harm can a little relaxation do? View this sign

Once again, where are my rights? I can’t idle here, minding my own business? I feel like we’re speaking different languages, sign.

What “No Idling” means: If your car is parked or not in use but the engine is still running, that’s called idling. A “No Idling” sign mandates that you either stop completely and turn the car off or continue on your merry way. It’s an especially important sign to understand and obey, since idling causes serious harm to both pedestrians and the environment.